Thursday, January 24, 2008

Emotional

That has been what I have been feeling the past few days-emotional. I really don't know why either. Is it because I am about to turn 31, which I am NOT sad about; is it because I had a baby 4 months ago and my hormones are still a little crazy (probably the correct answer); is it because it is winter and we only go outside when we have to get in the car? Whatever the reason, I am emotional.

Sadly, my husband has to take the brunt of this. He is a wonderful husband who lets me be "surly" (to quote my good friend, Clair. That was a favorite word of hers.) when I'm sure he would rather kick me outside until my mood improves. He is fantastic!!!! He takes the kids when I throw them at him after a long day and never complains. He gives Nora her bath each and every night, puts her pajamas on, reads to her, brushes her teeth and never once does he say that he is tired. I am truly thankful for him.

I didn't intend for this post to be a shout out to Matthew, but it's turning out that way. I should have more posts dedicated to him. Maybe that is one of my new resolutions. I once saw a blog while blog surfing called "101 reasons why I love my husband". I liked that.

Okay, back to being so emotional. When I worked full-time, I had a great network of friends. I absolutely loved the people that I taught with before Nora was born. I still see and talk to some of them on occasion. They are great! When I quit working to stay at home my network got considerably smaller. I had a hard time adjusting to the quietness of my day and the lack of adult conversation. It honestly took me a few months to find my new normal. Once I did, I enjoyed my new life.

Now, I am back to finding out what my new normal is. I never expected to feel any differently after Elyn was born. I mean, for goodness sakes, I have done this already...I'm experienced (not a pro, just experienced). I am so thankful for Elyn and for her easy going personality. She has made the transition from one to two so easy. I would have 10 kids if they were all as easy as she is. That said, I am having a hard time adjusting to my own new feelings. Suddenly, I feel lost and alone. But, I know I am not. It's crazy and hard to explain, but it's all real.

My sweet, sweet husband is aware of my feelings and is going the extra mile to brighten my day. He is incredible!

What I have discovered is that I miss certain friendships more than ever right now. I have never had a ton of friends. You know those people who has a friend for every letter of the alphabet...I'm not one of them. What I do have though are a few really good friends. And I miss them dearly. So, because I do, I am going to tell y'all about them.

Karie: She is my first good friend. We met when we were 8 years old in cabin 1. We used to write to each other (real letters) and decorate the outside of the envelopes. I'm surprised the mailman knew who to deliver the letters to. We were in the same cabin every summer and went on to work together at camp. We were suitemates at college and in each others weddings. I love Karie's sense of humor and her laid back attitude. She is a great mom and has heart for God.

Julie: I have mentioned Julie before in my blog. Julie and I met in band and were best friends all the way through school. I loved going to her house to spend the night! I don't remember my own phone number from when I was growing up, but I remember hers. She was who I would call when anything exciting happened and who I knew would always be there. She is also a great mom now and has a heart for God.

Hugals: My wonderful friends from college. I love them all so dearly! I actually called one of them this week just to hear a voice of a friend. I talk to Leslie about once a week. Now when we talk, it is usually comparing our babies, who are only 2 days apart. I called Clair Tuesday night just to see what she was up to. Clair and I lived together in Nashville. It was a random pairing at first, but turned out to be a great experience for me. I learned a lot from Clair and love her still. My friend Lynsday just found out she is pregnant with her 3rd baby. She is a great mom and I know she will handle this challenge beautifully. I could dedicate an entire post to my college friends (maybe I should), but just know, they are all in my prayers and I look forward to our yearly get-togethers!

Ashley: Ashley claims to read my blog...we'll see. Ashley is my Tennessee friend. Not so much a love relationship at the beginning. But, we were kind of thrown together and didn't have much of a say in the matter. After a few years of not being crazy about each other, we became really good friends. I don't even remember what the moment was that caused the friendship. Whatever, I'm glad it happened. I haven't see Ashley in about 5 years, but I know if I did, we would pick right up. I still laugh about certain things...she was so funny.

So, those are the people I would like to see right now. I'm just feeling a little nostalgic and friend-needy. I'm sure next week, I will be back to my confident self who doesn't want to share her emotions with the world. But, until that happens, I am happy to let you know that I miss these friends.


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9 comments:

Sara said...

I can completely relate to all you are feeling. I had the same insecurities when I transitioned to a full time teacher to a new mom. It was lonely at times and a big change of scenery.

As I approach the birth of our second baby, I am already preparing myself again for the transition. I've never been one to deal with change well!! I am once again apprehensive about being home full time again. Working part time was a wonderful outlet for myself and since I LOVE my teaching job, I know I'll miss the adult and student interaction. Oh and we are also moving this summer and I have to leave some of the best friends that I've ever had!

Just know your emotions are totally normal and I'd imagine most stay at home moms have days or weeks where they feel the same as you. And I also totally agree that winter is just harder all around b/c you can't get out as easily. I was complaining about that just the other day.

I love that you share your gut feelings..it makes me feel normal! Hang in there!

Julie Walker said...

hey girl,
Hang in there. I miss you and hope you have a wonderful 31st birthday.Wow, I can't believe you're that old!! Just kidding, I will be there in 7 short months. You are lucky to have a great husband like Matthew. Didn't God do a great job with our husbands? Nora and Elyn are so blessed to have you as their mom. I hope they each turn out to be just like you. We could use some more Hill girls in this world.
Love you,
JULIE

Amy said...

Okay Dallas, that made me feel very sad. I'm bringing you some brownies very soon.. So be looking for me.

Amy

Jenn said...

I love that you write about how you really feel. It makes the rest of us feel like we aren't "the only ones!" that feel that way.
I'm sure that your friends are so thankful for you, too!!

Alyson Sandlin said...

Hey Dallas! Since you last posted on my blog, I've enjoyed reading yours. You do a much better job sharing your thoughts and feelings on yours than I do. I can relate to how you feel. It is easy to get the blahs this time of year, especially when we come in contact with so few people. I had a similar week being stuck inside with sick kids and nasty weather. I have been pretty grumpy! There is little you can do to talk yourself out of your emotions except hang in there and know that this too shall pass! Cuddle time with the kids helps too!

Crouse said...

hey! still don't have the blog up and running, but wanted to let you know you are not alone! i am like one of the very few who still have to work full-time and have kids - but i just have to make the best of it for now! i think everyone goes through similar feelings, and i go through them even though i do work just because your life changes so much! and i think with that, your identity changes some too. change is always so scary for me, and it takes me awhile to adjust to the newness of my situation. just wanted you to know i love you, miss you, and was thinking about you. love, brooke

Segadi Family said...

Hey girl! I wish I could copy and post your post directly on my blog!! I love your honesty and sense of being so real- we definatly do not hear enough of that in this "everything's going fine" world. Thank you for the wonderful example that you are to me!

Supabloggasuprememama said...

I totally appreciate the fact that you are so honest with your blogging. I think its incredible with the way that you have adjusted so well with two lil gals...I have a long way to go myself. I know its so hard to readjust because its like with each new transition, it changes how you relate to people. I will be praying for you that you are able to get back into the swing of things with friends and the way you feel. I will soon be dealing with the same issues...hang in there! I know it gets better each and every day. It's just really hard. I know!

Sandi said...

It's such a blessing to have good friends, Dallas. I go through those times, too, where I miss my close friends from the past -- they know parts of us that those in our present life will never know (but it also goes the other way). I pray that God gives you more friends in your network to spend time with and to fill some of the adult conversation void! You're doing great -- hang in there!

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