Tuesday, May 19, 2009

At least I'll have it for the next 10 years...

Matthew and I are thinking of taking a trip at the end of the summer that requires a passport (just thinking, not committed to it...just thinking).

We both have passports but haven't used them since our honeymoon.

I know mine is no good anymore because I no longer go by my maiden name. Nope, I switched to his (although my sister still calls me Dallas Hill occasionally). And my passport also expired last year.

We know his is no good because it expired a while back (6 years ago).

Since we are THINKING about taking this trip, we figured now would be as good a time as any to renew our passports.

What goes into renewing a passport, you might ask? Well, you have to fill out a form, show legal documentation that your name has officially been changed, send a check, and get a new picture taken.

I was kind of disappointed about getting a new picture. I was perfectly happy with my old one. I wanted to be forever 21 (I totally understand why the brains behind the store chose that name) in the eyes of everyone who scanned my passport.

Apparently, the people who scan my passport want to see me at 32.

We went to Walgreens tonight to get our passport picture taken. It was really high-tech. The lady pulled out her $50.00 digital camera and pulled down a projector screen.

High tech.

I had already been practicing smiles, lowering my chin to just the right angle, flipping my hair to give it just the right amount of volume in the mirror all afternoon. I was ready to be documented.

I (without the lady photographing me really noticing) gave my hair one last shake and positioned it in the most flattering way to frame my face, while angling my chin down just enough to make my face thinner.

I flashed my best "million-dollar" smile while silently reprimanding myself for not using a little Vaseline on my teeth for a brilliant shine.

I was set and ready to go. Nigel Barker could not have asked for a better model.

Then she started giving me commands..."Put your hair behind your ears-THEY HAVE TO SEE YOUR EARS." "You have to smile without showing your teeth. It's one of their rules. They want to see you in your most 'natural form'." "Oh, and lift your chin up, we need to see your neck too."

Well, let me tell you what is the most awkward smile for me. The "no-teeth smile". I HATE the no-teeth smile. My step-father is a professional photographer and when he requests that smile from me, I rebel and say absolutely not. Do you know why? Because I look like I have just heard a secret and can't tell it. It's pitiful how bad the no-teeth smile looks on me.

I tried to explain this and say that my photo would not look "natural" at all. And did she realize how flat my hair was going to be with me sticking it behind my ears? And my face was going to look super-round if she didn't let me lower my chin?

But, she ignored me and insisted that I follow her stipulations.

So I did. And this is what my new passport photo looks like:
I know your laughing. It's horrific. Like the necklace? I was probably so distraught with throwing my hair behind my ears and concentrating so hard on NOT showing teeth that I tucked half of my necklace out of sight. Horrifying.

I think the people scanning my passport at security stops will have to do a double take to make sure it really is me.

Because I'll show them my teeth.

13 comments:

Supabloggasuprememama said...

hahaha! its not that bad. really. Ill have to share mine sometime. When we all went to barbados this december I had to get the kids too, and well, lets just say those were even funnier...;) Hope you guys decide to go!!!

Sandi said...

Oh, Dallas, you're hilarious. At least you don't have a double chin like I do in mine.

And for some really DUMB reason, I no-teeth smiled WALKING DOWN THE AISLE!! At the time, I thought that it must look sweet, kinda innocent, but then we got the pictures back. It just looks dumb and unflattering.

Oh, well.

Marty Rhea Hill said...

Hahahahahahahahahaha!!! Oh my goodness, that is hilarious!!!! That photo doesn't even look like you.

I love all the posting you are doing lately.

Kim said...

You're hilarious! Where MIGHT you be going?? Curious minds want to know!

Nicola said...

That's one of the funniest entries I've read! You're so amusing! Enjoy your trip... wherever you end up. Canadia, perhaps?!

Sara said...

You're hilarious! I like your hair long!

Laura said...

That's hysterical! The people who took my passport photo wouldn't let me smile AT ALL (they said it was in case I was found dead they would be able to id me)--so at least you got to do the no teeth version! :)

This was my mother's comment upon seeing my passport photo and I quote,"You look like you need the vacation!"

TeamBortzfield said...

Hope you're happy, red wine just came out my nose...it burns but it was worth it. That was just a mean lady; my passport pic is one of my best. It was a very windy day and my hair is huge and hiding my precious ears but every tooth in my Dr Penny smile is showing~

Karie said...

WOW! I'm thinking you'll get striped searched where ever you go because of this photo!!! You look like you've got a secret that you can't keep! LOL!!!

Amy said...

I am still laughing out loud and loud enough that my children should be awake right now!! (it's 12:08 a.m.) the reason I find this so humorous is that I just had my passport photo taken. I too, dolled up for the occasion only to have a 75 yr. old woman make me do the same thing! She wouldn't even let me smile with my teeth not showing. I am basically scowling and to me, the picture screams " I have a pipe bomb in my shoe!!"

Whitney said...

Hilarious! It really doesn't look like you at all! We're needing to get both of our passports done again b/c they've expired... but now I'm second guessing it with all of this rules on the picture! JK :)

Danielle Balentine said...

Oh, you crack me up. I'm having to laugh quietly b/c Ellie is trying to sleep beside me, but I'm about to wet my pants.

Jamie Chitty said...

Hahaha Oh I am so sorry that you had a LIAR take your photo. You don't have to do any of those things to have a passport. I have my hair all in my face and am smiling the biggest smile with my teeth. He was even going to let me take it with my sun glasses on because he said, "they are very fashionable". At least you will have a little laugh every time you look at it for the next ten years. Love this Blog!!

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