Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Oh, God is surely having a good laugh right now...

Remember when I bought this book because I thought Nora was strong-willed?

I still believe that Nora pushes our buttons and tests us...

but! She is in a different league!!!

She will be 21 months old next old and is already giving us a glimpse of the misery that is going to be her 2's.

Tonight, when it was time for us to start picking up the toys, Matthew told Elyn to follow him into the living room to help him bring some toys back to Nora's room.

She looked at him and said, "No."

I could see the look of terror on Nora's face as Elyn uttered that word. It's like the wheels were turning in her head and she wanted to shout at Elyn, "Don't you know what happens when we use that word? Have you not seen the trouble I have gotten in to? Are you blind??? Little sister, I have tried to lead by example, and when I say "no", I am punished...seriously punished." Nora knew what was about to go down.

Since Elyn is new to the "Henderson discipline" we did not initiate her full-force. We started gently.

Matthew took her hand and led (dragged) her into the living room. He took her hand and placed it on top of a toy and led (drug) her back to Nora's room. Elyn screamed the entire way. (It reminded me of a very similar situation with Nora when she was about Elyn's age.)

He took her back for another toy...see above.

After that, he left her under my supervision. I told Elyn that she needed to sit down until she stopped screaming. She wasn't crazy about that suggestion because she started screaming harder. I literally held her down while her little, 25-pound body twisted and turned, trying to get out from under my grasp.

She is strong.

Finally, I had heard enough of the screaming and took her to her bed for her to calm down. BUT, before I dropped her in, I removed her pacis.

I am the meanest mom in the entire world.

She had a mini panic attack when she saw what I was doing. I told her (I never really know what she understands and what she doesn't understand, so I talk to her as I would Nora and hope one or two words sinks in) that when she stopped throwing a fit I would get her out of her bed.

She didn't quit very quickly.

She is strong!

Finally, I heard her say "done". I scooped her up and went into Nora's room for her to tell Matthew "sorry".

Guess how long she refused to say "sorry"?

ONE HOUR. I kept telling her that if she would tell him sorry she could have her pacis back. I would go in her room and ask her if she was ready to say "sorry". She would say no. Matthew would go in her room and ask her to say "sorry" and she would just stare at him and not say a word.


Now, I realize that she had forgotten all about her original fit and why it even happened.

But we were standing strong as parents, realizing that in the morning she will have forgotten all about it.

Were we wrong to "stand strong"? I don't think so. We set a precedent tonight. Even if Elyn doesn't remember this, Nora will. She was obviously in the house the whole time and saw how Matthew and I didn't cave into the tears. We are hoping she will remember that when she is throwing a fit in the very near future.

Our baby girl cried herself to sleep tonight. She has zero pacis in her bed. (And when she wakes up crying at 1am, we will give them to her.) She never said "sorry" either. Sigh.

I am glad that I have already purchased the book. I am confident that I will be looking at it way more in regards to Elyn.


Ang said...

We have two girls and I thought the same thing with my first (strong willed) until my second came "of age!" We too used the "help" method when teaching both of them how to clean up toys. It does get better, but stand strong, all I have to do is think how they would be in Middle School and High School if we don't get it under control now. I always think not only is God laughing at us, but so is my mom and dad, paybacks.....
Good luck!
One of our "standoffs" started before church, Jon, my husband left for church and came home to the same scene he left. I thought I would just be a little late to church, I had no idea she would hold out that long...she was two.

I find it so hard to balance discipline without crushing their spirits or making them loose their leadership/strong personalities.

So I say again...good luck! :)

Hello blog buddies! It's me, Crouse! said...

It isn't any fun, is it? My stepson is EXTREMELY strong willed as well as Emily. I do the same thing. I just take her to her bed and remove toys/pacis until she calms down. Very stubborn. The kids' stepmom is always saying to me "you don't want to crush their spirit." Is it mean of me to say that I'm not really caring about that in the moment? God expects us to obey. He's not worried about our self-esteem or our psyche - we are just simply called to obey. How can I ever expect them to submit to the Lord if they are not called to submission in our home? Yep, and I say this as we are off to counseling with Noah. If i hear any good tips, I'll pass them on. Karie turned me on to a book called "Creative Correction." I haven't read it yet, but the ideas she was telling me seem really good. I'm going to try it. I also have the REVISED Strong Willed Child that has a chapter on ADHD which is helpful.

abc said...

I've got a small piece of encouragement for you, or I should say possible encouragement. Brady is a strong-willed one as well and she started it young. Temper tantrums began around 10 months old. She still has her moments, but has gotten so much better. When she was little like Ellyn I kept thinking, "Maybe this will end earlier, because it started earlier." It does seem to have worked out that way, at least for the most part. I have loved 3 thus far, although we are approaching 3 1/2 and the 1/2s seem to be the worst, so I won't hold my breath yet. So, maybe, hopefully that'll be true for Miss E!

Sherry Linda said...

Good book, Dallas! I used Dr. Dobson 21 years agao with Nealer and I think it took...sometimes.

Related Posts with Thumbnails