surprise...

I have sent years 2006 and 2007 of my blog off to the printer shop. It is my Mother's Day gift from my mom. I'm hoping to be caught up on turning all of my years into book form before the year is over.

In turning my blog into book form, I was able to revisit what I had written. I am so glad that I took the time to write about the girls and add some pictures. The thing I was happiest about though were the posts that contained my feelings.

I had forgotten how stressed/emotional/at the end of my rope I was when Elyn was born (Thank you God for letting me forget!). I am thankful (yes, I am) that I have those thoughts/feeling written down.

I'm sure Nora and Elyn will enjoy reading about my near break-down one day...it will amuse them.

So, I have decided that I need to do a better job of making my feelings/thoughts permanent...because they will change and I will forget that I ever had them.

This is what has been on my heart/mind lately...

In the Spring of 2005 I found out that I was pregnant...UNEXPECTEDLY pregnant. Matthew and I were surprised, scared and excited.

Sadly, 6 weeks after we found out about the pregnancy, it ended.

We were sad but realized, we were ready to be parents! Those 6 weeks helped us determine that our next role was to be "mom and dad".

Happily, 6 weeks after the miscarriage we got pregnant again. I was 7 weeks along before we found out because, well, it was a surprise. We didn't "plan" on it.

Nora was our surprise.

Ten months later we got the surprise of our lives.

SURPRISE OF OUR LIVES.

Elyn continues to surprise us today.

Three times we have been pregnant, three times we haven't thought about the "process" of getting pregnant, three times we have been surprised.

Since February 2009 we have been trying to get pregnant again but...

SURPRISE, we have not been able to get pregnant.

At first, those first two-three months, I was very shocked. Are you kidding me? It's easy to make a baby...right?

The next few months, I was sad. Really sad. I only talked to Matthew about it, it was just about us. I mentioned it to my doctor at my October visit and he said, "Oh, you'll get pregnant, just keep trying."

Um, ok, but that's not the problem.

Now, how do I feel each month? Well, honestly, a little bit relieved, a little bit annoyed, a little bit mad, a little bit surprised, a little bit curious as to why it's not working.

I mean, seriously, we KNOW how to do this...we have a track record...we are experienced.

Apparently, just because you have knowledge doesn't mean that you have power.

There are many ways to get power though. I know that I could go see my doctor and he would write me a prescription for a medicine that might help speed the process along.

If we were trying for our very first baby, and had been trying for 14 months with no success, then I would definitely take the drugs!

But, we have two little girls, two healthy little girls.

I think we are choosing to continue trying "naturally". That is what will work best for our family.

I bought some ovulation sticks and tried those. They put pressure on me. I charted my temperature for a little while. Again, pressure.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...that's about how I feel about it.

So, blog book 2010, this is what is going on...for 14 months.

I am almost at the point that I think I truly would be surprised if we did get pregnant.

And maybe that is what God is waiting for, for us to quit scheduling and timing and just wait on Him for His surprise for us.

That surprise might be another baby in a few months or years or...

it's the surprise that our family is now complete.

And if our family is complete, well, surprise. But it is the first of many, many surprises that God has in store for us. Our family of four has many surprises coming our way, I'm sure.

But, who knows, maybe one day I'll title a post again with...

SURPRISE!

and it's because we are about to become a family of five.

Only God knows.