Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Happy 300th post Blogger!

Happy 300th post Blogger-land...glad to have you here. I've decided I'm not transferring to another "carrier" and am sticking with Blogger. And now without further ado...

My body...after babies:

(Disclaimer...if you have never had babies and have a fairytale/Demi Moore idea of what will happen to your body after you deliver your cherub, please STOP reading...if you are a man (although, I think only two men actually read this) and you are single/married without children STOP reading because I don't want to put an image in your head that might keep you from wanting your lovely wife from having children later on...if you are a woman who is pregnant, had kids, or NEVER wants kids...this is for you. Read on.)

My body has changed over the years.

When I was born, I weighed 9lbs. 6oz (I know! I was huge!).

While growing up, I wore "slim" jeans...I was pretty skinny.

When I was in junior high, I peaked at 5ft. 3in.

When I was in high school, I was pretty average. I just wanted to blend in and look like everyone else. Thankfully, I did. Well, except for the super skinny ones, I didn't look like them.

When I was in college, I gained the "Freshman 15" and never really lost it while in college. Sigh.

When I was an "adult" I discovered running and lost that Freshman 15 plus some. And, for the first time in my life, I LOVED shopping for clothes. The clothes that I wore had only ONE digit on the tag and it was a small digit.

And my body stayed that way for about 5 years.

Then, I got pregnant.

Then, I got pregnant again.

From top of my head to the tip of my toes, here is how my body has changed.

Hair...About 209 million hairs fall out of my head on a daily basis. I'm not kidding either. Instead of doing "Locks of Love" I think I should just collect all of the hair that falls out of my head and I could send in weekly donations. I'm amazed that I have any hair left.

Brain...I've lost my mind. I think when I delivered Nora I lost half of my mind and when I delivered Elyn I lost the other half. I'm waiting to have a third baby because I am trying to build up a little bit of brain again. When lecturing in my classes, I cannot count the number of times I am mid-sentence and simply cannot think of the next word. I'm sure my students think I am uneducated. I lose things ALL THE TIME. I used to pride myself on my memory...not anymore! I cannot remember anything. If I go to the grocery store without a list, I will leave with 20 things...20 things I don't need. I feel the need to put things in my cart because I don't want someone to see me walking aimlessly, empty-handed, and say, "Oh, look at that poor girl...she has never been grocery shopping before and obviously this is too much for her." It's bad!

Skin...Amazingly, my skin has not become too hindered. Oh sure, the circles under my eyes are darker than they used to be; my eyelids aren't as firm (I blame age and gravity); and my ability to tan instantly is no longer there...but overall, things are about the same. The only truly noticeable difference is the moles. Did you know that when you are pregnant, your belly (and hips, thighs, butt, legs, etc) is not the only thing that grows? So do your moles. I have one on my shoulder that grows with each pregnancy. It's annoying and when I am done making babies, I will have it removed pronto.

Ears...I can pick out Nora or Elyn's cry from a crowd. Easily. My ability to hear them cry or shout while in a large group is nothing short of a super-power. I should be Super Dallas or WonderMom and my special power would be supersonic hearing. But, my skill is limited. I cannot hear whining. It's amazing, this power of mine. And, on occasion, in the middle of the night, when one of the girls is crying, I lose all power to hear and have to rely on my sidekick to get out of bed and see what is going on. It's a tricky thing, that super-power.

Boobs...(I feel the need to put a disclaimer up again. I will not be holding back any. So, quit reading if you don't want to know about what has happened to my "girls". Don't worry, I won't get too graphic.) So sad. This is the saddest part of my body. They have been "worker boobs" for my children. For 11 months each. Bras MUST have underwire and MUST have padding. I have a wide range of bras in my lingerie drawer. WIDE. I know I should probably go and get professionally fitted, but I am embarrassed for the saleslady to say, “You need a 34 B long” or “Let’s go to the shriveled section”. I don’t think my ego could handle that right now. I would definitely spend money to put things back where they belong!

Heart…or maybe I should say “emotions”. I’m not a big crier. I never really have been either. Well, let me have a kid and the floodgates open wide up! After Nora was born, I was a basket case! The first day Matthew went back to work after she was born, he called me on his break. He told me he had stopped by the Donut Store and gotten a few dozen donuts and put a sign on them that said, “Enjoy, from a new dad”. Guess what I did when he told me that? Cried like I had just lost an arm. When Elyn was born, he went to the grocery store a few days after we came home from the hospital and picked up a few things. He came home and said, “Hey, I got that bread that you liked.” That statement sent me into a crying frenzy. I now have the ability to cry easily. But only in the privacy of my own house. I’m still not a public crier.

Waist/stomach…I think I mentioned that the boobs were the saddest part of my body. I was mistaken. Waist/stomach is tied for worst part. Slowly but surely I am getting my waist back. When Nora was about 11 months old, I felt like I had my old body back. I could wear most of my pre-pregnancy clothes and enjoyed shopping. After I had Elyn, I thought, well, give it 11 months and things will be back to normal. Not the case this time. I am FINALLY starting to see some improvements, but, my friends, they are SLLLLLOOOOWWW in coming. I can deal with my waist being MIA, thanks to the current fashion trend of loose fitting shirts (thank you designers!), but it is my stomach that is the most distressing. I obviously understand how gravity works (see “Boobs”), but must it really take all of the extra skin in my midsection and help it pool at the bottom of my torso? Sara Blakely was super-duper smart when she invented Spanx! Smart girl, that Sara. Again, if money were available in mass quantities, I would like to empty the “pool” and flatten things out.

Legs…My legs haven’t changed considerably but I have gotten some extra color on them. What is that color? Purple. Ahhh, one of my favorite colors. It’s especially pretty when it looks like a little spider has been walking over my legs after it stepped on an inkpad. I just have a few new color splotches on my legs, but what brought them on? Yep, pregnancy.

Feet…What size shoe do you wear? 8. Always an 8. Always. Until I had Elyn. Now, “What size shoe do you wear?” Ummm, 8.5. So many cute pairs of size 8 shoes sit in my closet. I still cram my feet into though. What kind of gal do you think I am? I’m not about to let fancy shoes go unworn. Seriously.

So, there you go. Just a few ways my body has altered over the past 3 ½ years.

But, I wouldn’t change it. My sweet napping girls are worth all of the shifting body parts, discoloring on my legs, underwire bras, and blisters on my feet. Do I miss the elasticity? Yep. Do I miss the low-single-digit clothing? Yep. Do I miss quiet afternoons? Nope. Do I miss sitting on the couch with no little bodies in my lap? Nope. Do I miss listening to music without dancing around the living room twirling a little girl? Nope.

The body changes are worth the babies.

post signature


Kim said...

You crack me up-
And, I'll have to agree with the brain, ears, boobs, waist/stomach and feet.
Nice little souvenir,huh? But, you are right, no comparison to the the other souvenir you get to bring home!

Dallas said...

What an honest way to put it ALL!
My remedy to the baby weight is to have 4..then somehow it just all falls off!! HA HA HA HA HA HA.
Have a happy afternoon with your sweet ones!

Marty Rhea Hill said...

Well, I will honestly say I was VERY disappointed that I didn't see 300 pictures. However, you redeemed yourself. You are funny and the bra saleslady, I laughed out loud. All your views make me want to go out and have a few babies. Just kidding. I love you!

Julie said...

thanks for the laugh! it makes me remember all the work it took to lose my weight with bailey, and how much work i have ahead of me once blake is born.

Lane said...

Ok Dallas, you crack me up, seriously! I loved the Boobs section! I recall talking about this at M&M last week...one day the "lift" will happen! But it is ALL SO true!! But we wouldn't trade it for the world!

April said...

Hysterical! You have a talent for writing.

The Laird's said...

Okay, this is so funny, I completely understand! Also, back to the pee problem, I thought I was the only one with that problem. Jumping jacks are the worst for me in my gym class, I can't do them! I love your other blogs you read, I added a few to mine, they are great!

Supabloggasuprememama said...

this entry is absolutely hilarious. I told jamin I get some major nice bras when my second breastfeeding babe is done. either that, or a job. hmmm i might opt for the latter. I feel all your pain though. please know, my dear, you are in good company. OH and I am so glad to know that I am NOT the only one who has taken longer to "get back" with this second babe. It's like twice as hard! Kudos to all the mommies out there with more than one! or two! or...THREE!!!!

Danna Ramsey said...

yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. And yes. And we have a word for post-pregnancy/nursing boobies ... fried eggs. :)

Brittney said...

Hey Dallas...just want you to know that I could have written this exact post! I don't understand WHY everything on our bodies has to change...but it sure does. My only thing that didn't change was my shoe size...great...I would have much rather kept my tummy than my feet! So, don't worry...you aren't alone. I am already saving up for that famous mommy tuck! :)

Mrs. Barrett said...

I am glad you fixed your temporary writer's block.... Can I copy and paste this on my blog? You did forget the bladder issue.... but we all know you have already posted on it. ha, ha. I completely understand each body part.....YOU MAKE ME LAUGH MISS DALLAS!

Derek and Michelle said...

Can somebody say plastic surgury? I probably will never do it, but I think about it all the time!

Whitney said...

What a wonderful 300th post- I was laughing the entire time! Just remember that you are always the hardest critic on yourself- I think you look great! So, being said... I agree about boobs, brain, heart, ears, stomach/waist, legs, and hair! What stinks is that there is NOTHING you can do to change MOST of these things... unless you have thousands of $ siting around... which I don't!!

But you are right- the babies (or in my case, baby) is SO worth it!

Rachel said...

Oh Dallas! You had me laughing than crying!! You are not alone...I am there with you!! It is so much harder with the second as any small amount of time you had before with just one, is now gone with two!! THANK GOD FOR FLOWY TOPS AND GIGGLES!!

Mrs. Shy said...

Amen sister! You completely crack me up! I'll have to tell you my sorry about my loose fitting dress! I was seriously distressed about it! I love your blog! It is the highlight of my day!

Anonymous said...

So. I can't figure this out. Thought I'd ask you if you have any ideas or suggestions. You are at the bottom of my blogger list, which is suppose to update automatically, showing your most recent post to be 7 months ago...Huh? I have deleted you and readded you, thinking that would surely solve the problem. It did not. You still show up as not having posted anything in the last 7 months. Go figure. I'm open if you have any ideas! You seem to be the only one who's not updating automatically...???

April Watson (Not sure why I'm not logged on with my google account!)

Amy said...

I needed this today. I gave a some skirts this week that were a very small single digit. Because sometimes you have to face reality . . . unfortunately. But I wouldn't change a thing either.
And I also had high hopes of 300 pictures. :)

Jenn said...

You totally crack me up....I am just the opposite of you in the boobs dept. Parker Green sucked every bit of life out of me when he came...my brain and most certainly my breasts! Yeah, I'm a board with nipples. I can't wait to win the lottery and go and visit a plastic surgeon. REALLY!

Sherrill said...

I'm less than two weeks away from my due date with my first...and I'm so ready to not be as big as a truck that I'm almost looking forward to this stuff! BUT...I know I will miss the way that my body used to be. This girl better be a keeper!

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