I am Loretta (only my family will know who that is)

For those of you who have been around a while, you might remember that when I turned 30 I had a hard time wrapping my mind around entering a new decade.

I quickly figured out that being in ones 30's is not that bad. I'm older, I'm wiser.

Right? That's what they say so I'll go with it.

Last year when I turned 31, I was surprisingly calm. I went about my 31st birthday as if it were just another day. Well, another day with cake involved and some presents given to me.

Two weeks from yesterday I turn 32.

Thirty-two.

That seems quite old to me.

When I was 8 years old, I remember being at my grandparent's house practicing my multiplication tables (the 4's). For some reason, I was having a very hard time remembering what 4x8 was. My mom, who had just had a birthday, asked me, "How old am I?"

"Well, you're 32."

"That's right. And you're 8. So, when you see 4x8, maybe you can just remember that you are 8 and I am 32."

And I did. And I still do. When I see 4x8 (or 8x4), I always remember that conversation and think of the year my mom was 32.

What I also remember is how OLD she was!!!!! (sorry mom!) When I wrote "32" as my answer on my times table test, I remember thinking that I might as well write 102, because 32 and 102 basically were the same thing. Both were OLD!!!!

Guess what, I'm about to be 102.

I have seen subtle changes in my body this year. And by subtle, I mean reality has hit me in the face like an 18-wheeler going down the road at 90 mph and hitting a cement wall. That kind of subtle.

1. Losing weight is nearly impossible. I just completed a HALF-MARATHON and during my training...my 6 months of training...I lost approximately 2 pounds. It was nice knowing you metabolism, wish you would have stuck around a little bit longer.

2. What the history/physics books don't tell us is that Sir Isaac Newton had some help with the theory of gravitation. His WIFE probably got him thinking about such things. One day, she was in the bathroom, looking in her vanity, complaining about her body. "I just don't understand it Ike. It seems like with each passing year different parts of my body seem to sag a little bit more. Do you see my eyes? See how they are drooping right here? I swear that last week they were in a different spot. And don't even get me started on my boobs and butt! I tell you Ike, it's like a strange force has taken over my body. I sure wish there was a name for it." And that is how Sir Isaac Newton became famous.

3. I've mentioned before that my memory is shot. Gone. Probably never coming back. I blame kids AND age. Sigh. It's a miracle I remember what 4x8 is.

4. And finally, today, I stumbled upon the straw that is about to break this old camel's back. I was getting all gussied up (brushing my teeth and putting on clean clothes) to go eat lunch with Matthew. Lucky guy, that Matthew, I go all out for him. As I was pulling my hair back into a ponytail, I noticed a highlight that I hadn't seen before.

[Flashback: Last June, I completely quit coloring my hair. I put a dark wash on it and then went cold turkey. I was tired of the maintenance of keeping up with my roots and was also trying to save some money. Never in my life had I been brunette but I gave it a shot. And I liked it. It was easier and it was natural.]

I got closer to the mirror to investigate this new highlight. As I am inching closer to my reflection I am thinking, "Do I actually have some blonde coming in? Lucky me!" (Oh, sweet naive Dallas.)

Upon much closer inspection I saw a WHITE hair. Surrounded by other white hairs. I nearly, and I'm not kidding, passed out. First thought?

I AM OLD!

I might as well start looking into nursing homes that will allow an almost 32-year-old woman to live there. Because I have WHITE hair. Not gray. WHITE.

I think, if it had been gray, I wouldn't have overreacted. Gray is like the step before white.

White hair is my 92-year-old Nannie. And she had bad hips. And lived in a nursing home. And did not like small children. Or adults.

So, if you are looking for something to get me for my birthday, it seems like a cane or walker would be appropriate. Because I am one step away from breaking my hip and having to have a replacement surgery.

Guess who is getting her hair cut and colored on the 24th? Yep. Nannie.